Life lessons! :)

So, I pretty much broke the golden rule of having a best friend of the opposite sex; do not, under any circumstances, develop feelings for them and try to start something romantic. Because, as much as I believed we would be different, and that we were supposed to be more than friends…it just wasn’t meant to be. Now, as the dust is settling on what I see now was our inevitable breakup, we are both left reeling over the end of two different relationships — the romantic one and the friendship that used to be so strong.

I first met my best friend five years ago, when he walked into my college for sorting out his messy relationship. I hardly knew him. Gradually, this mysterious boy who I hadn’t met before (despite me having really small talks) became my best friend.

We bonded over our mutual love for alcohol, long talks and dark humour. Eventually, we started spending more and more time together, after college, long walks and so on. We would go for a long walk in empty roads, we would call each other to talk about our days. We both spent about an year rolling our eyes at the other’s romantic decisions, but it was so nice having a close friend of the opposite sex.

There was no pressure with him. I could just call him up to help me with literally anything. Eventually, it was as though he was my “comforter” — he had all the roles of a boyfriend, just without the rewards.

We talked about it a little, both realizing we were spending so much time together, doing all the things that people in a relationship do…that it was as though we had fallen into coupledom without even realizing. And, for me at least, it was never a choice. There was never a moment where I had to decide if I wanted to risk our friendship or not, because I already had. And so that was it. We admitted the thing we had been hiding for months now — that we liked each other in a “more than friends” kind of way, and it was becoming more. Eventually things started moving forward and all of this became real. A serious relationship…at least for me.

For a few years, we basked in the realness of it all. We had this amazing relationship, the likes of which neither of us had ever had before. I was comfortable, completely myself, and I think I can easily say we were in love. But at some point, probably around the time that reality caught up with us, we both started missing the best friend in each other. We would have stupid fights, and we both saw horrible sides of the other that we didn’t know about. And along the road, we lost sight of all the things we first liked about each other when we were just friends.

It was really hard. With other complications cropping up, I had a few weeks of back and forth. But eventually we called it mutually. We didn’t want to lose each other as friends, so we tried staying in touch. In the due-course I learnt the harsh reality of my relationship, something that hurt me terribly.  I learnt that as much as I would have loved us to have been right for each other, we never were. We were trying to be versions of ourselves that the other wanted us to be. We were trying purposefully not to be like the exes from before that we’d heard so much about. As a couple, we weren’t quite right no matter how much we wanted to be.

First major break up for me and it was even harder when the person I was breaking up with was my best friend. Initially, just like any other typical person, I was looking for closure. But eventually I realized that its time I choose a different coping mechanism for dealing with the end of the relationship, instead of wallowing and stalking his profile, waiting for a sign that he is moving on just to torture myself further.

I started being proactive. I immersed myself in my writing. I started taking exercising seriously, and both my body and my mind benefitted! And most excitingly, I began planning my vacations, looking forward to visit new places — something completely out of character for me, but super exciting!

It’s surreal and terrifying to me that I could have lived a life (the past three months) in which he was not mine. However, we are trying to leave the past behind and move on with things in life. We are trying to be in touch, however, at pinches me.. we are not in the same place where we used to be…when he was my best friend.

I really hope things turn out to be good and eventually I will get him back, as my best friend again.

In this whole process I’ve learnt that Friendships are important -- and best friends are not something to be taken lightly. Finding someone that understands you on such a deep level is rare, and those relationships should be treasured, nurtured and protected.

We spend so much of our lives avoiding things because we are afraid -- afraid of failing, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of making mistakes. And, sure, things don’t always work out like we hope.

Sometimes we will fail. Sometimes we will get our hearts broken…but not always. Don’t let fear stop you from living your life and taking chances. Maybe, just maybe, the thing you are afraid to try will be the most beautiful part of your story.